


The man who has everything

by Adara_Rose



Series: Cobblepot family values [5]
Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Birthday Presents, Dark Comedy, Inspired by Addams Family, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-16
Updated: 2017-08-16
Packaged: 2018-12-16 04:07:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11820903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adara_Rose/pseuds/Adara_Rose
Summary: Oswald's birthday is coming up. This is a problem.





	The man who has everything

It was less than a week to go to Edward's favourite day of the year, and this day he was really dreading it. Oswalds birthday!

He had no idea what to give him. What do you give a man who has everything? 

Maybe a trip to some exotic location. No, that had been last year. A series of grisly murders, then, culminating in a bloodbath on the night in question? No, that had been the year before that… 

 

“What is greater than God, more evil than the devil, the poor have it, the rich need it, and if you eat it, you'll die?” he groaned into his morning nettle-tea. Oswald gave him a worried look.

“Ed, my love, please tell me what’s wrong” he begged.

“Your birthday” was the morose reply.

“I thought all the arrangements were made?” Oswald frowned, “I’ve even arranged for that cake you like.” 

Edward looked up, staring adoringly at his husband.

“My own, my very own” he cooed, making Bruce roll his eyes at them both.

“Father’s in a snit because he can’t find a good birthday present” the youth said drolly, sprinkling some more arsenic over his porridge. He looked at it consideringly, then reached for the Juniper jelly.

“But I don’t want anything for my birthday” Oswald said, honestly bewildered.

Edward gave in to the urge to stab himself repeatedly with the butter knife in pure frustration.

 

The idea whacked Edward over the head later that day, during the press conference for the new bill of education that Oswald had been working much to hard for lately. In specific, it happened when a little girl in a pink dress ran up to hand the mayor a bunch of flowers and Edward managed to catch the momentary look of longing on his own darling’s face. He didn't like that look at all. It hadn’t been him who put it there. But it gave him an idea.

 

Later that afternoon, when Oswald was ensconced in some villainous plot or other down at his sister’s club, Edward jumped into the car and headed to the nearest orphanage. He was going to get Oswald a little girl of his own.


End file.
